the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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