I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Let's paint friendship bongs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
