Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
