I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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