Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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