then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
