Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
