I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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