so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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