I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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