she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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