we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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