he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
