You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
