I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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