when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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