I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
