I just threw up on my dentist
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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