just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
