I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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