there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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