i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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