Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
