Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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