OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
