What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
