i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
