He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
