i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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