there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
