Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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