I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
