I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
