You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Text me some of your sweat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
