i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
