do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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