So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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