He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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