All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
