Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
