OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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