I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
