His pubic hair was longer than his dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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