All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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