he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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