I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
