So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
