And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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