I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
