Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
