how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
