Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
