I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
