We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just gargled with NyQuil
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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