I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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