I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
