is your mom at the bar?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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