My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
