I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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