I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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