Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
