He kissed a someone with a penis
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
