OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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