How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
