I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
