remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
