Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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