how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
